Methodology · The Gottman Method
The Gottman Method for Couples Therapy
The research, the core ideas, and how we use its practical, skills-based tools — in Lisbon and online.
Book a first session →The Gottman Method is one of the best-known, most extensively studied approaches to couples therapy. Built on decades of observing real couples in a research setting, it offers a practical, structured way to understand what makes relationships work — and what quietly erodes them.
What is the Gottman Method?
Developed by psychologists John and Julie Gottman from long-term research on what distinguishes relationships that thrive from those that fall apart, the Gottman Method is notably practical and skills-oriented. Where some approaches begin with emotion, this one gives couples concrete tools to manage conflict, deepen friendship and intimacy, and build shared meaning.
The research behind it
The method grew out of decades studying couples in an observational setting, tracking how partners actually interact and following relationships over many years. Independent studies — including randomized trials on affair recovery and on reducing situational conflict — support its effectiveness across several dimensions of relationship functioning.
Key ideas you may have heard of
The "Four Horsemen"
Four habits — harsh criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling (shutting down) — that reliably predict distress when they dominate. Much of the work is spotting them and replacing them with healthier moves.
The Sound Relationship House
A model of what a strong relationship rests on — knowing each other's inner world, turning toward each other, managing conflict, and building shared meaning.
Bids for connection
The small everyday moments when one partner reaches for the other's attention or affection — and whether the other turns toward, away, or against. Thriving couples turn toward these bids far more often.
What happens in Gottman-informed sessions
We usually begin by understanding your relationship's strengths and friction points, then work on practical skills: softening how you raise hard topics, repairing after conflict, and rebuilding friendship and closeness. The approach values concrete change you can practice between sessions, not only insight.
A note on safety
The Gottman Method is appropriate for ordinary conflict and "situational" tension, but couples work is not recommended where there is a pattern of coercive control or abuse. A responsible therapist screens for safety before beginning couples work; if that's your situation, individual support is the safer first step.
How we use the Gottman Method
Our couples work is led primarily through Emotionally Focused Therapy, and we integrate Gottman tools where they help — especially for couples who want practical, structured skills for conflict and everyday connection. Many couples benefit from both.
Gottman Method couples therapy in Lisbon & online
In Person in Lisbon
Meet in our welcoming Lisbon office, in English, to start learning the tools that hold up under pressure.
Online Across Portugal
Join from anywhere in Portugal without losing momentum. Learn more about online sessions.
Session Details
Sessions run 70 minutes for 120 EUR — enough time to practice a tool and talk through how it landed.
Common Questions
Is the Gottman Method better than EFT?
Do we get "homework"?
Can it be done online?
- The Gottman Institute — The Effectiveness of the Gottman Method (research overview). gottman.com/about/research
- Irvine, T. J., Peluso, P. R., Benson, K., Cole, C., Cole, D., Gottman, J. M., & Schwartz Gottman, J. (2024). A Pilot Study — Gottman Method Couples Therapy for Treating Couples Dealing with Infidelity. The Family Journal, 32(1), 81–94.
Marriage Counseling After Infidelity
Discovering an affair doesn't have to be the end — structured support for rebuilding trust after betrayal.
EFT Couples Therapy
One of the most researched approaches to couples work, focused on breaking negative cycles and rebuilding connection.
Premarital Counseling
Build strong foundations before the wedding — communication, expectations, and shared values.
EFT vs Gottman
Not sure which approach fits? A clear comparison of the two leading methods.
Ready to Learn the Gottman Method?
Email us at therapist@psychotherapylisbon.com
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