Methodology · Emotionally Focused Therapy
EFT Couples Therapy in Lisbon (Emotionally Focused Therapy)
Break the negative cycle, rebuild emotional connection, and feel like a team again — with one of the most researched approaches to couples work.
Book a first session →Most couples who reach out don't arrive over one big problem. They arrive tired — worn down by the same argument that keeps returning in different clothes, or by a quiet distance that has grown between them without anyone deciding it should. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is designed for exactly this: not to teach you to argue more politely, but to change the emotional pattern underneath the arguing.
What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?
Note: this "EFT" is Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples — not to be confused with the tapping-based Emotional Freedom Technique, which shares the same acronym.
EFT is a structured, evidence-based approach to couples therapy grounded in attachment science — the research that explains why we need the people we love in order to feel safe, and why we protest so strongly when that safety feels threatened. Rather than treating conflict as a communication problem to be solved with techniques, EFT sees most recurring fights as the surface of a deeper question each partner keeps asking: Are you there for me? Do I matter to you? When those questions go unanswered, couples fall into painful, self-repeating cycles. EFT helps you understand that cycle and, step by step, replace it with something more secure.
The negative cycle — and how EFT changes it
Almost every distressed couple is caught in a cycle. Neither partner is the problem; the cycle is the problem, and both are trapped in it. Two patterns show up again and again:
Pursue — Withdraw
One partner presses, criticizes, or pursues, trying to get any reaction at all. The other feels overwhelmed and protects themselves by going quiet or retreating into work. The harder one side pushes, the further the other pulls away.
Attack — Attack
Both partners go into defense mode, trading sharp comments, sarcasm, and blame — until both are emotionally exhausted and left with painful silence.
In EFT we first help you see the cycle clearly, together, so it stops feeling like you against me and becomes us against the pattern. From there we help each of you reach the softer feelings hidden beneath the anger or silence — the loneliness, fear, or longing — and learn to share them in a way your partner can actually hear and respond to.
The Negative Cycle
When connection feels threatened, both partners fall into the same self-feeding loop. Each protects, each reacts — and neither can see the tender feeling driving the other.
A felt fear or loss of safe emotional connection
How you cope
Protective, reactive, defensive moves.
The “story”
What you tell yourself about you, your partner, your relationship.
Reactive feelings
The felt sense in your body and the reactive emotions that surface.
How you cope
Protective, reactive, defensive moves.
The “story”
What you tell yourself about you, your partner, your relationship.
Reactive feelings
The felt sense in your body and the reactive emotions that surface.
Vulnerable primary emotions
fear · sadness · hurt · loneliness · longing · joy
about attachment needs — a secure emotional connection:
contact · comfort · care · acceptance · belonging · togetherness · love · value · safety
Based on the Emotionally Focused Therapy model of the negative cycle (Johnson).
What happens in EFT couples sessions
EFT usually moves through three broad phases:
De-escalation
We map your cycle and cool the conflict, so the relationship feels less like a minefield and you can both breathe.
Restructuring the Bond
With more safety in place, each partner learns to voice deeper needs and turn toward the other — the heart of the work, where new, more secure moments of connection are created.
Consolidation
We help you carry the new pattern into everyday life, so you face old problems as a team and recover more quickly when you slip.
The Cycle — Two Loops
Each partner spins in their own self-feeding loop. The same alarm sets both turning, and at the centre of each sits the tender feeling the other can’t see.
- Trigger A cue rings the alarm bell — the sense that the connection isn’t safe.
- How you cope Protective, reactive, defensive behaviour.
- Reactive feelings The felt sense in the body and the reactive emotions on the surface.
- The story What you tell yourself about you, your partner, your relationship.
- At the centre The vulnerable primary emotion and attachment need the cycle keeps hidden.
Based on the Emotionally Focused Therapy model of the negative cycle (Johnson).
What EFT helps with
Couples come to EFT for constant conflict or one recurring fight; for emotional distance, feeling like roommates, or lost intimacy; for rebuilding after an affair or another breach of trust; for strain during big transitions — a move abroad, a new baby, career upheaval; and for the particular pressures faced by intercultural and expat couples living far from family and familiar support.
Is EFT effective?
EFT is one of the most thoroughly researched couples therapies. A comprehensive meta-analysis reported medium-to-large improvements in relationship satisfaction, with gains generally maintained up to two years after treatment; an earlier systematic review of randomized trials found large, sustained effects. In short, the evidence base for EFT is strong and consistent.
EFT for expat & intercultural couples in Lisbon
Relationships carry an extra layer when partners come from different cultures, speak different first languages, or are building a life in a country that belongs to neither of them. Miscommunication is easier, family support is further away, and the usual scripts for "how a couple should be" may clash. EFT works underneath those differences — at the level of the emotional bond every couple shares — which makes it a strong fit for the intercultural and expat couples we see in Lisbon.
Your EFT couples therapist
Couples work at our practice is led by Sylwia Latacz, a licensed psychologist and integrative psychotherapist with training in Emotionally Focused Therapy. She also runs monthly "Hold Me Tight" groups for couples. She works in English.
EFT couples therapy in Lisbon & online
In Person in Lisbon
Meet in our welcoming Lisbon office for a session that feels calm, private, and focused entirely on you two.
Online Across Portugal
Join from anywhere in Portugal — the same quality of care, wherever life has taken you. Learn more about online sessions.
Session Details
Sessions run 70 minutes for 120 EUR — enough time to really get somewhere, session after session.
Common Questions
How is EFT different from other couples therapy?
How long does EFT take?
Can EFT help if we're already talking about separating?
What is the "Hold Me Tight" group?
Do you offer online EFT sessions?
- Spengler, P. M., Lee, N. A., Wiebe, S. A., & Wittenborn, A. K. (2024). A Comprehensive Meta-Analysis on the Efficacy of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 13(2), 81–99.
- Beasley, C. C., & Ager, R. (2019). Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy: A Systematic Review of Its Effectiveness over the past 19 Years. Journal of Evidence-Based Social Work, 16(2), 144–159. (PubMed 30605013.)
- ICEEFT — EFT research overview: iceeft.com/eft-research
Marriage Counseling After Infidelity
Discovering an affair doesn't have to be the end — structured support for rebuilding trust after betrayal.
Premarital Counseling
Build strong foundations before the wedding — communication, expectations, and shared values.
Gottman Method
Research-based tools for managing conflict, deepening friendship, and building shared meaning.
EFT vs Gottman
Not sure which approach fits? A clear comparison of the two leading methods.